Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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