OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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