the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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