I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dicks are not precious.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
