Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
