So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
