Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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