Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
