I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
