I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
