It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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