he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
