i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
