had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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