I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
