You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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