the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He has the fingertips of a God
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