Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
