who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
