By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize