dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
