I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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