Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
