I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
BRING THE BAGELS
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
