I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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