Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
