My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize