I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize