Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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