I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
