Whod you bang
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
