I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
