i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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