Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
