And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
