i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you made out with another girl for some wings
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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