Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
