i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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