Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
