Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
