There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
