We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
