hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
