and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
