I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
