I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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