we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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