A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
