Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would fuck him just for his dog
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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