Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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