dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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