how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize