i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
