it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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