The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
