all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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