your thong is hanging out like whoa
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
