oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
