I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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