Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize