She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
