I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
