seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
