oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
