My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
not ubering you a puppy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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