she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
