and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
