Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
