I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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