OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
