you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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