My cat gives me a boner
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
