so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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